Apparently employment must be booming in Umatilla and there are no economic woes in Yalaha because the fine folks of those villiages have taken up pitchforks to go after sharia law.
Their leaders - Republican state Sen. Hayes and state Rep. Metz - are pushing legislation to ban sharia, the laws of the Islamic religion, from being used in Florida courts.
Now there is no evidence that Florida courts are doing any such thing. This is one of those just-in-case ideas aimed at preventing those sneaky Muslims from taking over the Sunshine State.
In their effort to save us however, Hayes and Metz may be going a bit too far. Their legislation bans all laws from other countries from being considered in Florida courts.
"I filed a bill that says in the courts of Florida the laws of no other country can be used to influence the decisions of Florida," Hays told the Miami Heralds's Marc Caputo.
"If it's sharia law or any other law — I don't care what law it is — if it's not a Florida law and if it's some foreign law, it doesn't belong in our courts."
Guess that means a ban on Judeo-Christian laws which come from - heaven forbid - other countries.
No Bible in our courtrooms by God! We will not be influenced by Bethlehem.
Read more about what Hayes and Metz see under their beds in Caputo's story.
And we hope the folks of Umatilla and Yalaha are proud.
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Art by Patrick Crowley